Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I'm a nobody. It seems that at least a few times every quarter I have to remind myself of this fact. I'm a lazy, uneducated, gluttonous nobody. I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me or to gain sympathy, but simply to recognize and acknowledge that the depression and anger I sometimes feel when I cannot grasp, do not agree, or feel inadequate in something is a direct result of my failure to do more than I have.
I could put more effort into everything I do, but I just don't. So when I discuss something with someone and they don't understand or agree with my point of view, the anxiety and anger I feel is really uncalled for. The fact of the matter is that I'm honestly not nearly as intelligent as I think I am, or believe I am.
I often wonder then why I am interested in the things I am, and desire to engage others in those things. I've often thought of the disabled kid I knew in high school who was thrilled just to be able to tell anyone who'd listen what day it was. With more excitement than most can muster for their favorite subjects, this kid would exclaim "It's Wednesday!" How blissful it must be to know exactly what day it is and not care about what you do, or do not know.
More on this later... I've got to get back to getting things done.